School Trees

What Does Your "School Tree" Look Like?

This view made possible by more than one tree.

I come from a family with deep interest in the roots of our family tree. Our family's tree canopy stretches broadly like most family trees do. My family's tree traces lives all the way back to the year 1300 AD on the ancient British Isles. Folks in all parts of my family tree have taken the time to seek out all the branches of our family history. They put down the data and passed it forward. Our history includes fascinating stories involving intrigue, royalty, indentured servants, religious exiles, warriors, poorest of farmers, wealthiest of land owners, lawyers, paupers, pastors, and prisoners. If you can imagine the character, it's likely in our family tree's canopy. No doubt, your family tree has a similar canopy. 

While we might squirm, like I have at some of the characters within the webbed branches of my tree, we love the whole tree. We see our heritage....all of it. We see how it paints the branches into the tree. Some branches end abruptly for many reasons. Others seem to flourish, but collectively they create an intricate painting. How do I relate this to school? 

Schools have their own "Family Trees". They have branches made from legacies, traditions, characters, diversity, interests, ages, leaders, followers, confrontational, non-confrontational, stoic, humorous, unethical, burned out, on fire, etc. I can think of a slew of branches we could incorporate into a school's tree. The branches become filled with leaves. Each leaf represents a staff member's place of comfort in the tree canopy. We hope to see a healthy tree don't we? Why? Because, healthy trees make for a happy environment to nurture our future. When we are gone we leave a lasting legacy in the tree.

In the next few blogs, I'm going to attempt to provoke thoughts about the health or lack of, within the environment of the School Tree. What role do I ... do you, play in the history of the School Tree? How do/did you find your own comfy branch in your School Tree? Did you gravitate to the staff members with similar interests, characteristics, hobbies, strengths, causes, school responsibilities, ages? Well, sure. 

Check that off the list. Does/did this mean you are trying to be exclusive or cliquish? Not at all. It's healthy, normal behavior to gravitate to people you identify with. Picture the family tree with all of the individual families drawn into woven branches. It takes a variety of groups to create an expansive center of learning. You're getting it! Each family is part of the School Tree's whole health. (exclusive of the diseased, which need to be pruned out from time to time .... different blog for another day).

Today I'll focus on one toxic element to the health of a school tree's environment. The fear of being "left out". The fear that any group is actually a "clique" that wants nothing to do with said individual. This unhealthy attitude has caused anywhere from a grey cloud to serious damage to the school tree's environment. Let's label the fear. How about ... "clique phobia". 

Institutions of all types have been weakened, or as bad as, dissolved by a toxic person's "clique phobia". It's an insecurity which provokes said person to cattiness, jealousy, pettiness, character assassination, noisy, two-faced behaviors. None of these are healthy behaviors and are not productive elements. They fuel backstabbing, gossip, hurt, distrust. Is it a complex issue or a simple matter? Think about that for a second. Is it something I need to work on or is it something that the "whole" need to work at? Solution. Begin with the end in mind. Hmmm....where have I heard that?

How do we keep our school's full of healthy, happy relationships among our staff? How do we create a happy school vibe? Once again, it starts with "me". Yep, this gets personal. I'm not at school to get myself into a new circle of "besties". My job at school is to aide children in the process of growing academically and socially. I think, ultimately, we have to collectively decide to examine ourselves with complete honesty. The question we have to answer is not a comfy one. Ouch! Here it goes.

How can I expect the children around me everyday to get along? Am I behaving like a badly behaved elementary child in front of them and my fellow staff members? Am I being that "moody little third grade girl/boy" that can't seem to get along with most of the class because "everybody else is leaving me out"? You're probably a much better person than I am. But, I never do better until I get a good stiff kick in my own pants with a reflective question. 

Time to get Proactive: Prune the dead branches and clean up the dead leaves.

We can: 

1. Stop thinking about situations as being left out or excluded. It leads to unnecessary, toxic comments like: "they're all snobs", "bet they all go to...and we don't get invited", "of course they all look alike, they shop together all the time", "forget being asked to eat with them", "watch, they'll all save themselves a table together". I know it sounds silly when you read it in black and white.  Still, you know exactly what I'm talking about, don't you?

photo by Joey Hayes

2. Show the same respect for one another as we expect our school children to show to one another. It drives us a little nutty when they can't get along. Yet, we are not thinking with the end in mind and we are not being proactive in our personal lives. We are not behaving like adults. We have a minute by minute, daily obligation to make an effort at keeping the environment healthy at our School Tree. The choice is mine and the choice is yours. 

In other words, stop drop and roll. Put your own fire out. Yes indeed, you may be the one burning down the school tree. Oops!

Time out----Does anybody have a fire extinguisher handy? I think I smell smoke!!
Happy Schools Rule!

Stop! Reverse That!

I'm Having a Willy Wonka Moment: Reverse That.

Preface This: The purpose of this Happy Rule is to bring personal awareness.

Momma would ask us to give her fifteen minutes to come down from her school day. After time was up, she wanted to know how our day went. I can remember talking to my mom, on occasion, about some teacher's negative behavior during my school day. I had the blessing of her comforting wisdom from an educators stand point. It's likely you did that, too. My mother was never the teacher, who thought no teacher was ever wrong. She understood my questions.

Sadly, I have witnessed the same puzzling behavior from a few educators in these last decade of volunteering in my children's schools and working as an instructional aide.  Worse still, my own children had three educators that stand out to them today as being the "evil ones". See if this sounds familiar to you.

Teacher makes comments to student(s) in front of the class like: "Your parents are....!", "What kind of parents do you all have!?", "What is YOUR problem!?", "If your parents would....!", "I don't know why I do this job!", "You big baby!", etc. Picture other hateful, humiliating, and disrespectful comments being spoken loudly to a child or at times screamed at an entire class, including the many innocent children. The "innocent" children being the ones that sit everyday fearfully squirming in their seats. They pray every moment of every school day they will not be the ones to have to wrath pour down on their heads.

Now step back. Reverse that. Put your child, grandchild, or self in the receivers position. OUCHHH! You've seen it, too! Does it make you want to say the following to that so called educator?

"Stop! Would you like your child to be subjected to that verbal and emotional abuse? I wish you could see yourself. We all get heated at times. We have kiddos that appear to have a mission to push us to the brinks of insanity, but what we say can often not be undone. They are the children! We are the adults! Our tongue can be a two edge sword, which cuts the very confidence out of a child's academic heart forever. I assure you, your peers are about as sick and tired of hearing your ranting, screaming, and hateful comments. You are making our world stressful around here! Stop terrorizing the children in your classroom. Stop it!"

Happy Schools can't have happy vibes when hateful, hurtful comments are shouted and screamed at the children. Educators are suppose to be teaching respect, anti-bullying, and self-esteem. Fellow educators are sick of hearing it....maybe even more sick of it than the children are. Thus, stress and tension begins to rise among the staff. So, lets look inside ourselves. Is there someone you need to pull aside and kindly give an eye opening talk. Or, could it be you needing a wake-up call? In the words of the Great Wonka, "Let's Reverse That". 

Find ways to cope with the stress that are effective and not destructive. 
Synergize. 
Seek to Understand. 
Be a part of the healing in our Happy Schools.

Remember: What comes around....usually does go around.