Treat and Release

"Treat and Release" is a tad like "Catch and Release". Let me explain why I find this to work in my mind. You might find it to be a stretch. That's okay. Maybe, someone else will find it to be useful in their effort to make it a happier school year for themselves.

Dilemma:
This thought process all started this summer break when a dear friend of mine was sharing their difficulty in letting the intense stress of work go. This person's job within the school system is massive. It requires mental and emotional stamina like I know I don't have. This person deals with every level of adult workspace drama, special student needs, and the specific and very taxing line that must be walked to provide all the state requirements, the parent's demands, the educator's needs, and most importantly the student's best interest. Whew! All of this must be served at all times. (Personal Note: said person does their job extremely well) This is the dilemma we were both having. How to let it all go? How to come home a happy person at the end of the day? How to be mentally and emotionally at peace with having done our best in that day? How not to make the people, we love at home, live in our school world stress daily?

We both decided we were going to work on our own personal method for doing better in the next school year. Challenge on! After all, being a happy, well-adjusted person at home is key to being a happy, well-adjusted person in the academic setting. What I realized immediately after our conversation was I wasn't alone. I mean, I knew I wasn't alone, but I had this super together person with much more responsibility, lots of degrees, who always seemed to be keeping the ducks lined up....open up, lay their heart out. This friend was in need of a listening ear. My listening ears completely understood what they were hearing.

Mission for Happiness Increase:
I was on a new mission to pursue a game plan for combating my "school war fatigue". "School War Fatigue", or SWF, can wipe out the Happy School vibes. Picture this. The unhappy vibes come home in the car with us. They march right up the front sidewalk and crash our family time, our supper conversation, our family movie night, our bible studies, our yoga time. Pretty soon, our spouses and children wish we would get back in the car and find any empty closet at school to call home. Sounds familiar to many of you. Doesn't it?

It's one thing to share the day and pack it away. It's another thing to bring it on every single, dang day! How do I know this? Because, my almost saint of a husband has had to stop me from ruining my own afternoon and evening with left over school angst countless times. He did it for me. And, he did it for our "happiness level" at home. Sometimes, I have to do the same for him. Which brings me to this little "God Thought". It popped into my head earlier last week, as I wrapped my 75 day, summer break, mind around the start of school. Stop the madness!

Hold on to this crazy analogy. I LOVE to fish!! I day dream about it randomly. Just ask my husband.
Fishing, for me, brings calm and meditation. It's a quiet activity. I feel connected to the nature around me. Therefore, I feel close to God. With fishing comes the over used phrase, "Catch and Release". It suddenly dawned on me "Treat and Release" is what I should be doing everyday! I want to go into the school building everyday to help the children I'm assigned with a brand new attitude. All I am expected to do is my best on each given day. When I am finished, as I exit the building, I want to release the trials and troubles of the day into God's hands. (You may be of another faith---fine, release it). This is my new goal.

I shared it with my friend this weekend. I'm praying we will both be able to do this activity until it becomes an interwoven part of our healthier, happier behavior each day. Realistically, I know some days aren't ones we can let slide. There are "doozy" days that leave us rattled. We have to process those days. Still, I'm feeling good about this experiment. I have found the best plans usually start out simple. Simple choices with large outcomes for the better. That's what we are aiming for this year.

Choose Happier Days:
I'll close to this first blog of the brand new 2016-2017 year with an invitation to all of my education staff friends everywhere to "Treat and Release" this year. You deserve to go home happy. Your family deserves to have you at your best. We tell children everyday, "Choices...you can make positive ones or you can make negative ones. It's up to you." Make the best choices. Best wishes for a Happier School Year!

Shutting Down The Negative Energy

I don't want to go to Negative Land. Do you?

My friends, this is a sensitive subject. Negative Land is only a few words away on any given school day. How do I know that? I've been there far to many times myself. Sometimes it's been me giving off the negative vibes. Shame on me! And, sometimes it's the person everyone runs from (which...could be me), because they know the rain is about to come down on somebodies parade. Regardless, Happy Schools cannot function when the "Negative Nay Sayers" get their attitude all swirled into a frenzy.

As much as I don't want to touch on this sensitive subject, we must. It is imperative to the health of a Happy School to speak to the negative personality that can bring "happy" to a screeching halt. 

Let me lay some ground work. First, we aren't talking about the fact everyone has a "Benny's Bad Day" day. We are not talking about the understandable upsets that come along the way in a school day. We aren't talking about the occasional life events that are impossible to not bring to school on a day or even a few days.

We are stepping into the arena of "chronic negativity". The kind of negativity that can do damage to a child's day with one word and to an adult's day with two. The kind of negativity that leaves adults and children wanting a ear swab when the person leaves the room. I don't know why some people thrive on being negative over positive. I can't explain the choice to be hateful and polarize people with negative vibes. I've met people battling horrid trials in their lives, who do so with such positive energy. They bring inspiration to the table with everyone they meet. Yet, there are others that have ruined a perfectly good day at the thought they might have to do more than they expected to do in a school day. Or, they fall apart because the schedule isn't going to be what they expected. Or, they know they do more than everyone else ever does....nobody EVER says "thank you". Or, someone didn't make enough coffee....again! Or, they get bent out of shape when someone won't do their job for them. The "Or" list could go on and on. You probably could add dozens you've experienced at your school. 

Here is an idea for a solution. I have a co-worker that has the most positive way of shutting down negative energy. My co-worker will genuinely (not patronizingly) smile, look the person in the eyes, give a hug to the "negative energy ball" and walk away. No ugly words, no agreeing, no getting sucked into the vortex of negativity. Is my positive friend able to do that every time? No. My friend is human. What I do know is my co-worker friend had no control over the other person's choice to behave negatively. My co-worker did have a choice to not allow that person to affect their stress level or the happiness of their day in the classroom or out. It also gave the other person a definitive sign they were not going to ruin my co-workers day. We can hope the negative co-worker will eventually see "happy" is much better to live inside. 

With all of the difficult issues facing our nation today, we need to bring more happiness to the table.We need it for our mental and physical health's sake. Our children need to feel it coming from us for their best health. During this summer break I've been thinking about different co-workers that fought off the "negative" vibes moving into their school day world last year. It makes me smile. Alright, it makes me happy. I'll share one memory from last school year.

I watched a team of co-workers facing daily struggles as they were striving to reach out to a more difficult to teach group of students. The students were well behaved for the most part. They simply were not the easiest to grasp concepts and retain them. I watched this team of teachers turn their frustration from negative energy into funny, silly things they did together all year. Sometimes they dressed up in costumes. They came up with all sorts of team teaching themes and ideas. I loved watching them work. They kept a hilarious photo album of antics they knew other teacher would think was funny. They laughed together, cried together, prayed together. On the super tough days, when negativity was all down on them, they held each other up. What I observed was a class unit of children and teachers that faired well after a tough year. The teachers were closer as friends. The children loved and respected their teachers...well, almost all the children. You know how that goes. The children DID learn and the teachers realized how strong they were together....united with positive energy. 

I want to encourage you (and myself ) to stop the "negative" fire before it get's started when this new year rolls around. Decide you are going to hold up against what will surely bring you down. When stressful days come around, you can handle it with some creative "happiness". Stop everything and turn your favorite happy music on and let the class get happy with you for five minutes. My boss does that and it has rescued us from insanity many times. Chill out! Break into song. Kinda scary----but truly funny, happy, five-minute, spontaneous, vacations can clean away the mental negativity mess. 

I hope you continue to enjoy your summer break. Make a little time for you to practice ideas for how you will protect your "happy" teaching heart. Pinterest ideas, come up with a "positivity" plan with a co-worker, start a journal of funny school stories, pick out your list of "go to" happy songs, put those songs on your computer at work--bookmarked and ready to go, and begin your plan to walk away from negativity next school year. Be Happy!

Part Two of the Healthy School Tree

A Healthy School Tree

Let's turn our focus to a few of the top healthy elements within a school families tree. 

I much prefer to focus on the positives. It comes naturally to me to want to have a positive attitude. Maybe, that is because I'm lazy. I was always taught it's much easier to be positive and I still believe that...most of the time. Speaking of positive, I happen to teach within a school family that I am truly fond of being a with. This being the case, it's easy for me to come up with some driving factors for retaining a healthy school life. The number one factor is sincerely caring about one another. What better example can we as adults show our school children than to sincerely care about one another? Once again, this has nothing to do with being everybody's best friend or even liking everything about everybody. This has to do with human kindness, caring, and empathy. 

My school has a social committee. Everyone is invited to be a part and nothing is decided upon that would make it financially or socially uncomfortable for anyone on our staff. For example, we give baby and wedding showers at school, preceding the weekly Staff Meeting. We have made it a point to not allow our celebrations to become a burden in any fashion. Therefore, we have great support, attendance, and most of all lots of fun!! 

We have a network, through text, e-mail, or calling, to let our Staff Family know when one of us has suffered a loss, a medical emergency, or any other catastrophic incident. We make sure to communicate our concern for those individuals. Once again, the glue that holds this gesture in place is sincerity. Nobody is talking about getting full on into someone's private life. This isn't being nosey, gossipy, or impertinent. I'm on the turf of caring.

Here is a stand out element. We try our best to pay attention. "Pay Attention", you say. Yes. The school day isn't about the kids at all times. Not at a healthy Happy School. The day is also about noticing how our school family is doing/feeling. We can all pass each other in the hallway and be busy in thought or have kiddos we are trying to herd into straight lines. "Give me a bubble", "Purple line-purple line", "I'll wait"..... and before we know it, we realize we haven't even noticed the adults passing us. Happens to me all the time. But, when we pass a co-worker that has an expression of sadness, worry, frustration on their faces that should stand out to our hearts. It will, because we know that person well enough to understand something may be hurting them. We pay attention to our peers. A family cares about each other. A healthy school environment is filled with compassion.

We never know what our peers may be going home to in the afternoons. They may be struggling through a bump in their marriage or worse, they may be facing divorce. They may have recently lost someone dear to them. They may be suffering with health issues, a spouses' job loss, an abusive spouse, or have someone in their family that is ill. They may simply be exhausted from being up all night with a new baby then coming in to teach wiped out day after day. Or, they may be a single parent, who is trying to get their master's degree and be the best at their job everyday. My mother did this. I still don't know how she did it with three children. My boss does it with two teens. I admire both of these women so much. 

Let's all pay more attention. Make a point to let others know you care. There are endless ideas for expressing concern. I think this is a great idea. Take the time to slip an encouraging note in their box. One of my friends did that for me at the first of the year. She was paying attention and felt an encouraging note would lift me up. It did. I put that card in a special place and it gets my attention daily. My school staff is amazing at doing those caring gestures and it makes a proactive, positive difference in our overall morale. You never know when a little piece of chocolate or a random hug is just what a person needs to get through their day. Or, like on of my peers does. Whisper something hilarious as you pass by your peer in team teaching. Gets me every time!

Come on!! When you've got a healthy morale among the staff, you've got some healthy roots for that School Tree. And, when these key elements are added into the mix, we come up with a proactive staff environment from which children and adults can flourish. Here's to keeping our school families happier! Happy Schools Rock!

 

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School Trees

What Does Your "School Tree" Look Like?

This view made possible by more than one tree.

I come from a family with deep interest in the roots of our family tree. Our family's tree canopy stretches broadly like most family trees do. My family's tree traces lives all the way back to the year 1300 AD on the ancient British Isles. Folks in all parts of my family tree have taken the time to seek out all the branches of our family history. They put down the data and passed it forward. Our history includes fascinating stories involving intrigue, royalty, indentured servants, religious exiles, warriors, poorest of farmers, wealthiest of land owners, lawyers, paupers, pastors, and prisoners. If you can imagine the character, it's likely in our family tree's canopy. No doubt, your family tree has a similar canopy. 

While we might squirm, like I have at some of the characters within the webbed branches of my tree, we love the whole tree. We see our heritage....all of it. We see how it paints the branches into the tree. Some branches end abruptly for many reasons. Others seem to flourish, but collectively they create an intricate painting. How do I relate this to school? 

Schools have their own "Family Trees". They have branches made from legacies, traditions, characters, diversity, interests, ages, leaders, followers, confrontational, non-confrontational, stoic, humorous, unethical, burned out, on fire, etc. I can think of a slew of branches we could incorporate into a school's tree. The branches become filled with leaves. Each leaf represents a staff member's place of comfort in the tree canopy. We hope to see a healthy tree don't we? Why? Because, healthy trees make for a happy environment to nurture our future. When we are gone we leave a lasting legacy in the tree.

In the next few blogs, I'm going to attempt to provoke thoughts about the health or lack of, within the environment of the School Tree. What role do I ... do you, play in the history of the School Tree? How do/did you find your own comfy branch in your School Tree? Did you gravitate to the staff members with similar interests, characteristics, hobbies, strengths, causes, school responsibilities, ages? Well, sure. 

Check that off the list. Does/did this mean you are trying to be exclusive or cliquish? Not at all. It's healthy, normal behavior to gravitate to people you identify with. Picture the family tree with all of the individual families drawn into woven branches. It takes a variety of groups to create an expansive center of learning. You're getting it! Each family is part of the School Tree's whole health. (exclusive of the diseased, which need to be pruned out from time to time .... different blog for another day).

Today I'll focus on one toxic element to the health of a school tree's environment. The fear of being "left out". The fear that any group is actually a "clique" that wants nothing to do with said individual. This unhealthy attitude has caused anywhere from a grey cloud to serious damage to the school tree's environment. Let's label the fear. How about ... "clique phobia". 

Institutions of all types have been weakened, or as bad as, dissolved by a toxic person's "clique phobia". It's an insecurity which provokes said person to cattiness, jealousy, pettiness, character assassination, noisy, two-faced behaviors. None of these are healthy behaviors and are not productive elements. They fuel backstabbing, gossip, hurt, distrust. Is it a complex issue or a simple matter? Think about that for a second. Is it something I need to work on or is it something that the "whole" need to work at? Solution. Begin with the end in mind. Hmmm....where have I heard that?

How do we keep our school's full of healthy, happy relationships among our staff? How do we create a happy school vibe? Once again, it starts with "me". Yep, this gets personal. I'm not at school to get myself into a new circle of "besties". My job at school is to aide children in the process of growing academically and socially. I think, ultimately, we have to collectively decide to examine ourselves with complete honesty. The question we have to answer is not a comfy one. Ouch! Here it goes.

How can I expect the children around me everyday to get along? Am I behaving like a badly behaved elementary child in front of them and my fellow staff members? Am I being that "moody little third grade girl/boy" that can't seem to get along with most of the class because "everybody else is leaving me out"? You're probably a much better person than I am. But, I never do better until I get a good stiff kick in my own pants with a reflective question. 

Time to get Proactive: Prune the dead branches and clean up the dead leaves.

We can: 

1. Stop thinking about situations as being left out or excluded. It leads to unnecessary, toxic comments like: "they're all snobs", "bet they all go to...and we don't get invited", "of course they all look alike, they shop together all the time", "forget being asked to eat with them", "watch, they'll all save themselves a table together". I know it sounds silly when you read it in black and white.  Still, you know exactly what I'm talking about, don't you?

photo by Joey Hayes

2. Show the same respect for one another as we expect our school children to show to one another. It drives us a little nutty when they can't get along. Yet, we are not thinking with the end in mind and we are not being proactive in our personal lives. We are not behaving like adults. We have a minute by minute, daily obligation to make an effort at keeping the environment healthy at our School Tree. The choice is mine and the choice is yours. 

In other words, stop drop and roll. Put your own fire out. Yes indeed, you may be the one burning down the school tree. Oops!

Time out----Does anybody have a fire extinguisher handy? I think I smell smoke!!
Happy Schools Rule!

Stop! Reverse That!

I'm Having a Willy Wonka Moment: Reverse That.

Preface This: The purpose of this Happy Rule is to bring personal awareness.

Momma would ask us to give her fifteen minutes to come down from her school day. After time was up, she wanted to know how our day went. I can remember talking to my mom, on occasion, about some teacher's negative behavior during my school day. I had the blessing of her comforting wisdom from an educators stand point. It's likely you did that, too. My mother was never the teacher, who thought no teacher was ever wrong. She understood my questions.

Sadly, I have witnessed the same puzzling behavior from a few educators in these last decade of volunteering in my children's schools and working as an instructional aide.  Worse still, my own children had three educators that stand out to them today as being the "evil ones". See if this sounds familiar to you.

Teacher makes comments to student(s) in front of the class like: "Your parents are....!", "What kind of parents do you all have!?", "What is YOUR problem!?", "If your parents would....!", "I don't know why I do this job!", "You big baby!", etc. Picture other hateful, humiliating, and disrespectful comments being spoken loudly to a child or at times screamed at an entire class, including the many innocent children. The "innocent" children being the ones that sit everyday fearfully squirming in their seats. They pray every moment of every school day they will not be the ones to have to wrath pour down on their heads.

Now step back. Reverse that. Put your child, grandchild, or self in the receivers position. OUCHHH! You've seen it, too! Does it make you want to say the following to that so called educator?

"Stop! Would you like your child to be subjected to that verbal and emotional abuse? I wish you could see yourself. We all get heated at times. We have kiddos that appear to have a mission to push us to the brinks of insanity, but what we say can often not be undone. They are the children! We are the adults! Our tongue can be a two edge sword, which cuts the very confidence out of a child's academic heart forever. I assure you, your peers are about as sick and tired of hearing your ranting, screaming, and hateful comments. You are making our world stressful around here! Stop terrorizing the children in your classroom. Stop it!"

Happy Schools can't have happy vibes when hateful, hurtful comments are shouted and screamed at the children. Educators are suppose to be teaching respect, anti-bullying, and self-esteem. Fellow educators are sick of hearing it....maybe even more sick of it than the children are. Thus, stress and tension begins to rise among the staff. So, lets look inside ourselves. Is there someone you need to pull aside and kindly give an eye opening talk. Or, could it be you needing a wake-up call? In the words of the Great Wonka, "Let's Reverse That". 

Find ways to cope with the stress that are effective and not destructive. 
Synergize. 
Seek to Understand. 
Be a part of the healing in our Happy Schools.

Remember: What comes around....usually does go around.

How This Blog Was Born

Happy Rules for Happy Schools

I'm the daughter of an educator. Yes, I grew up in a school environment. My extended family has been the school family I grew up around. I've been watching educators and staff do their jobs since I was a child. My mother recently retired (for the second time!) after over forty years of being an educator and pioneer in the area of special education. She's shared decades of wisdom with  me. The dynamics in relationships between educators, staff, and students has everything to do with how healthy and happy the vibes are circulating around a school building. She has never really stopped tutoring children with the hope to learn.

Was anybody in my world more shocked than me when I, the interior designer, began subbing several years ago during the our nations big economic crisis? Absolutely not! I wanted to do something that would be stretching my soulheart. So, I dug in my prayer heals. God opened up the french doors for me to work within a wonderful school system. My husband and children are highly supportive of my decision---even proud, I think.

A friend asked me, if I would consider putting my thoughts for creating healthier school staff environments into tangible words. We spent time together reminiscing over the years of growing up in school and then seeing it from the adult perspective...hers from principalship, mine from instructional aide. Actually, she would have been the better writer. 

On most days, I am blessed to receive an education simply by observing how the adults in a school interact with one another and their students. Sometimes I pull from my memories and the conversations I have with educators and staff. Here I am with all of maybe thirty readers. I'm doing it one little blog at a time! 

I began collecting thoughts on how we can make our school environments happier by going back inside ourselves to seek the gift of "happiness". This requires a private sense of honesty and humbling. Sometimes it's easy to grow better and other times it's a tad uncomfy. At least, it is for me. It's never, ever to late to get better. My desire is to inspire someone to be happier in their school environment. It's simple. Happier School Staff make for Happier Schools period. The Beginning.

This is part of my amazing school family.